Thursday, February 12, 2009

Looking for Success Stories

I really need success stories of couples who were approved with LDS Family Services and used finding tools (which does include going to other agencies or through the state) to help make their adoption happen. Please read below to learn the information we are requesting.
Please help us give couples hope and ideas!!!!!

Dear FSA Members,

As we strive to help couples learn ways to make an adoption more likely, we have decided to create a success blog. We would like to post “finding” success stories to motivate and guide couples who want to adopt.

If your “promoting” or “finding” efforts led to an adoption and you are willing to share what you did, please send us an email ( with the following information:

  • Your first names
  • Family picture or picture of your child (This is optional. Our blog will not be added to a search engine and it will not be private, so it is up to you to decide if you want to add a family photo.)
  • Date of approval for adoption.
  • Date of placement
  • What you did to promote your family for adoption.
  • What you did that led to a connection with your child’s birth mother.
  • How you feel about your experience with “finding”.
  • If you used an adoption Web site to make the connection to your birth mom, please share the Web site name.
  • If you used printed material (pass-along cards, letters, etc.), please consider emailing those to us as well. We are always looking for examples to share with couples. We would like to add more ideas and examples to the Web site.

Please limit your information to two short paragraphs. We welcome links to your family blog and Web sites so that couples can email you if they have questions or want to read your whole story.

We are hoping to get the word out about the blog through other FSA blogs and FSA Web sites and networking tools. Our intended audience for this blog is all FSA members who are trying to adopt.

There is nothing like a positive adoption story to give hope to those who are trying to build their family. We have seen many wonderful ideas come from FSA couples. We hope you will take the time to share your success with others!

Brad and Brenda Horrocks
FSA Co-Vice Chairs
FSA National Board

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Irritated...BIG TIME!

I don't know what it is about this week but I seem to end up in conversations with people about adoption. Normally this is a great thing....I get to share something I love and usually it ends in educating others.
In my mind this is usually a good thing.
But today I am SICK OF IT!!!!
I am so tired of people treating me like I am not
"THE Mom".
I am not just a babysitter, caregiver, or raising these children for someone else to step in later in life and become the parent.
I get up in the night when they are afraid of the dark, I am the one who goes to the doctor appointments with them, I am the one who sits at the table with them and helps them understand their homework, project and goes over spelling words.
I am the one who washes the poopy and wet underwear on a VERY regular basis.
I am the one who drives them to and from schoool, dance and every other place.
I would do anything for my children...I love them beyond words!!!
I am a REAL MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!
Gosh...can these stupid people get it through there thick heads?????

I am also sick to death of hearing things like..
"Oh... you are such a sweet person to take in these children."
If I hear any of these sentiments again I think I will throw up!!!
I want to scream....
Brad and I are the ones who have been blessed!
But of course I can't do that...they would probably put me in a mental institute if I did.

I am also sick of hearing...
"Did they just not want to parent?"
When are these stupid humans going to get it....Birth Parents do this out of LOVE!!!!!
In all honesty...they did parent...through their decisions they parented.
Parents make hard decisions...and that is what they did.
And....their love for these children continue...their role may be different than before but it is important just the same.

And for the record.....I don't consider our children's Birth Parents "UN-REAL".....we are all REAL PARENTS....there is no fake role in their lives.
Their Birth Parents gave them life and then planned for their life and then placed them into the life they planned for them.
It is the hardest of all life 3 times!
They are each a HERO!
If only everyone could know a Birth Parent like I do...maybe they would finally understand adoption.

Again for the record.......I can't take credit for my children's beautiful faces...I had nothing to do with what they look like....that is all their Birth Parents and God.
For which I am very grateful!!!!
But I can take claim to have been part of why my children do well in school and why they enjoy the things they do. Not everything in life is from our genes. I do not parent alone....I have help from above so I will not take credit...but I do my part and I am blessed to see prayers and work come to fruition.

I LOVE my children and I LOVE the way they came to me...
through incredible people that I LOVE and ADMIRE more than they will ever know.
I am just sick of stupid people who can't get over biology.
Biology is important but so are many other things.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Coping with a Failed Placement

In December 1999, a year after being approved for adoption, my husband and I received the news we had been praying for… a birth mother had chosen us to be the parents of her one-month-old baby girl. We did what any excited expecting couple would do…we announced the news to our family and then went shopping. We were to pick up this little baby in two days. We were told that the birth mother felt strongly about her decision and had received spiritual confirmation that it was right, so we were surprised to learn the placement was on hold while she struggled to gain family support. After six weeks of being told: “W e feel this will still happen,“ we learned that the birth mother had decided to parent. We didn‘t blame her for this decision, and we hoped for the best for her and her baby. We picked ourselves up and sadly moved forward. We just felt numb during the first few days, but as time went on, the pain became stronger until we felt as if all were lost. Mornings were especially difficult. The desire to do anything but lie in bed forever was practically non-existent. Seeing pregnant women and witnessing blessings at church were more painful than before. There were times when I would walk into the nursery, take out the baby clothes we had purchased, and rocked them to my chest as I sobbed. One night I thought I heard a baby crying. I felt so alone, so hopeless, and I wondered if I was going crazy. No one seemed to understand what we were going through, and people said all the wrong things. They seemed to think It as nothing. Finally at some point a person (actually a worker at LDS Family Services…not our own worker)validated my pain by letting me know that what I was feeling was similar to what a woman would feel if she had miscarried. I received another gift when the Lord blessed me with a dream that renewed my hope. I hung on to that hope as If it were a life preserver. It came at the darkest time of my life, and it helped me survive. In May 2002 my sister delivered her only baby girl…stillborn. It was one of the saddest things I have ever experienced. Diane went home with lots of material about what to expect in the grieving process, and because I was one of her primary caretakers, I read the information. Not only did I learn about what my sister might be going through, but I also realized that if any-one could be there for her, it was me. All of the things mothers feel after losing a baby were what I had felt when the placement didn‘t happen back in 1999. This experience brought a new understanding and comfort to me. In July 2000 my husband and I had our first baby girl placed in our arms. It was a miraculous day! I have never felt so much joy and gratitude. Then, in October 2002, our second daughter was placed with us, and we felt like we held the world in our hands. The pain of our infertility and adoption loss made the joy of parenthood that much sweeter. In August2006we again faced a failed placement. After working with our birth mother for her entire pregnancy, she chose to parent. But this time I was armed with the knowledge of what to expect, and I knew that, just as before, the Lord would help us as we tried to pickup the pieces. We also had a worker who cared about us and called to see what she could do. These things made this loss easier to bear, and we truly felt that the Lord was carrying our pain for a time. I didn‘t feel the full impact of the loss for almost a year…but by then, the Lord had brought understanding to my heart, and I was able to bear it better. The following year, we were able to adopt our son, Camden, who has added so much joy to our family. Couples, if you have experienced a failed placement, you are not alone in your loss. Many of us have felt the pain, anger, and hopelessness you feel. If your worker is not reaching out to you, then reach out to them, your FSA board, or anyone else who will listen. Let your bishop know about your loss; let people in your ward and family help you. They may not fully understand, but many will want to help. If you are currently hoping that a birth mother will choose you, consider preparing a plan for what should happen if you ever suffer a failed placement/adoption. If you need someone to take over and call your bishop for you, that is OK. Let your worker be the one to call. Share your plan with your worker and your bishop, and let them be part of it. If you would rather be left alone, share that as well. I am thankful to say that while my husband and I have suffered through much loss, we have actually gained from those losses. We have gained greater empathy, greater compassion for anyone who is grieving over the loss of a child (including birth mothers),and a greater love for our Savior and our three incredible children. Grief is a difficult journey, but we can be blessed with comfort and help as we travel.
Written By: Brenda Horrocks
Published in FSA National Newsletter Spring 2008