Tuesday, January 26, 2010
I am a fan of Kevin Bacon. I enjoy watching most of his movies. But there is one that has been hard to watch since I discovered my infertility. Even now with not much pain left from infertility I choose not to watch. It is like that feeling of going into the hospital room to congratulate a family member after they give birth. The hopsital was always the hardest part for me. I sometimes wondered why I put myself through it. I think it was partly because I didn't want to appear weak and then partly because I was excited about the baby too. But it was the hardest part of other peoples pregancies for me! I longed for that hospital experience...I longed for Brad to see how amazing I was...and to be congratulated on a "job well done".
I realize today that this woman...meaning ME... has her own kind of work. I may not be partnering with God to create bodies for His Spirit children but I am entrusted to love His children....all of His children including my children's birth parents. I am called to do work that is a little different yet just as valuable. Brad may not say "job well done" (although he does with some of my adoption projects) but I have felt that the Lord is pleased with what I am doing...I feel that I am filling the measure of my creation. I KNOW I was meant to do and be who I am. There is great peace is this knowledge. I am so thankful to understand just how the Lord knows the end from the begining and my trials and blessings have been custom designed...tailor made for this woman.