I have been realizing lately how blessed I am to be infertile. If I would have given birth to my children I would have missed out on so many experiences, so much joy and I wouldn't have the cherished relationships I have with so many! I never knew I could ever feel this good about something that once hurt so deeply. I am so grateful for what the Lord has done with me and for me! Where there was pain there is healing, where there was confusion and the endless "Why?" is now a greater understanding of my own mission in life. Where there was once fear...now there is Love! My counselor (Lani Taholo) who helped me prepare for our Saviors healing once taught me that "fear and love cannot co-exist". I pondered on her words and read many talks about Charity (I especially love the ones by Elder Neil A. Maxwell) and my heart began to understand just a little bit. I hope someday I understand it all...how it all works. But I do know this...if we ask the Lord to take the fear and bless us with Charity we will never be the same again!
All that has gone on over the past 14 years has prepared me for today...for Mothering my children, our children's Birth Parents, for those who are in need or who are in pain and along with many others it has prepared me for my newest title..."Foster Mom".
Over the past 2 years I have finally caught on to how this whole life experience works....I think I finally "get it"! We are not here to pass through life in bliss...but rather to see if we can find the bliss and share it with others as we pass through our life. Enduring it well to me means finding personal meaning in the "dark places" of my life and then there is light....and His healing.