In 2005 I sought out mental/emotional help. I was completely stuck in grief...grief over being infertile and all that entails, grief over failed placements, stress over making sure I am giving all I can to my family and my children's Birth Parents, stress about keeping relationships healthy, grief over stupid things people say and just feeling so broken, alone and un=womanly. In short...I was a complete mess and there was one day that my spirit helped me understand that what I was feeling wasn't normal....it had gone past normal. I made the call to start the ball rolling to get help at a local LDS Family Services. A few days later I met an incredible social worker named Lani Taholo. She is amazing! I saw her for 12 sessions and went home and did homework and it changed my life. I grew stronger emotionally and felt better than I had in a long long time. Actually I believe I became a new ME. The effects on my life still show today....I am a different person completely. I am thankful for that.
What I didn't know then but do know now is that while I took care of myself emotionally I didn't understand that physically I needed attention too. I am talking general health....vitamins, exercise and reducing stress. I have had some interesting health issues the past year. My body was close to going into Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I had almost every symptoms of being very low on serotonin. I didn't understand what was happening to me and went to many doctor appointments and even thought it could be MS. Thankfully it wasn't. One day I went back to my regular doctor and was praying to get correct answers....that is when I was warned that if I didn't do something to help my body now I would be heading into a worse state. So I followed the doctors suggestions and took the meds she gave me. I felt she was right and I felt this was the answer. Why am I sharing this with you???? Well I want you to be aware of your body. Stress from all the issues of building a family (when family building is more than difficult) wears on emotions, finances, marriages etc etc but overtime (even if you aren't doing fertility treatments) the stress can wear your body down. I never understood what stress really does to a body....but I truly get the picture now! Even now.....months later and feeling a million times better I have to watch my stress level, my sleep numbers have to be good and I have to treat myself with kindness or I can feel it in my body.
I think I have ignored my body's needs over the years....maybe out of anger for it not working as I once wanted it to.....maybe because I was so focused on adoption that I forgot to check in with my body. I don't really know why.....but I do know that I want to be well for a long time so I can take care of my little family and enjoy them as long as possible. Putting my Faith and Family first means taking care of me too!
Infertility is hard in every way. Adoption is rewarding but not without its difficulties and tough issues. Loss hurts our soul and hearts....and it eats at our bodies in ways we probably never will understand completely.
Be kind to yourself, think positive, feed your mind and heart with positive thoughts, feed your soul living water and don't forget to feed and care for your physical self.
What I didn't know then but do know now is that while I took care of myself emotionally I didn't understand that physically I needed attention too. I am talking general health....vitamins, exercise and reducing stress. I have had some interesting health issues the past year. My body was close to going into Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I had almost every symptoms of being very low on serotonin. I didn't understand what was happening to me and went to many doctor appointments and even thought it could be MS. Thankfully it wasn't. One day I went back to my regular doctor and was praying to get correct answers....that is when I was warned that if I didn't do something to help my body now I would be heading into a worse state. So I followed the doctors suggestions and took the meds she gave me. I felt she was right and I felt this was the answer. Why am I sharing this with you???? Well I want you to be aware of your body. Stress from all the issues of building a family (when family building is more than difficult) wears on emotions, finances, marriages etc etc but overtime (even if you aren't doing fertility treatments) the stress can wear your body down. I never understood what stress really does to a body....but I truly get the picture now! Even now.....months later and feeling a million times better I have to watch my stress level, my sleep numbers have to be good and I have to treat myself with kindness or I can feel it in my body.
I think I have ignored my body's needs over the years....maybe out of anger for it not working as I once wanted it to.....maybe because I was so focused on adoption that I forgot to check in with my body. I don't really know why.....but I do know that I want to be well for a long time so I can take care of my little family and enjoy them as long as possible. Putting my Faith and Family first means taking care of me too!
Infertility is hard in every way. Adoption is rewarding but not without its difficulties and tough issues. Loss hurts our soul and hearts....and it eats at our bodies in ways we probably never will understand completely.
Be kind to yourself, think positive, feed your mind and heart with positive thoughts, feed your soul living water and don't forget to feed and care for your physical self.
