Sunday, April 19, 2009

Comments in Relief Society.

Today in Relief Society our lesson was WONDERFUL! The lesson dealt with trials and how they help us. Many sisters shared their feelings on the topic and how they feel about their own trials and how those trials have helped them become stronger or helped them understand the big question of "why?". I loved what everyone had to say!

But one comment kind of hurt.

One sister shared something someone else had said to her about women in labor. She said the closest anyone could ever come to understanding what the Lord went through is women who are in labor/giving birth.
I know this sister is sharing from her own perspective....and I totally get that. But comments like this bring back that feeling of being left out...feeling different because I can't do what she is speaking of.

So what do I think?
Well I think we all go through things and Christ went through it we each can understand a little bit. I don't think anyone can understand it all.
His Atonement is Big and ALL Encompasing.
What is important is that HE understands each one of us.
He knows each pain,
each heartache,
each grief.
He knows each one by name,
He Loves each one unconditionally!

I do know this.....the pain I have felt for so many years was SO PAINFUL and yet I couldn't turn it off, take a pill or get any type numbing for it. It was through this pain that I came to understand that my Savior will not leave me alone in my suffering.
I am sure it was through her pain she came to understand the same things.

I believe our trials are custom made.....not trials from sin... but trials that we have no control over.....they are blessings in disguise to help us come to understand He who descended below all.

"In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

This scripture has always brought me great peace helping me realize I don't have to fight the world ....He already did and He won!

While I don't have a desire for pregnancy and I really have no pain from the infertility anymore...comments like this do sting sometimes. It makes me sad that some women really don't realize that not ALL women will experiences these things. It also makes me sad to think that some people think that pregnancy or birthing is the only way to understand the atonement. It is through my barrenness that I have come to know my Savior in a way I didn't before. As He carried me through the pain I came to know him better.
I am thankful for that journey!


Countless Tomorrows said...

Ouch! But I think you are right. We each have our own trials and to us they seem like they may break us, but to others they seem like no big deal, that's why it isn't a trial for them.
I once heard that the Savior experienced every kind of sorrow so He would be able to bear us up in all our afflictions.
Maybe she just had a super tough labor and she is trying to turn it into something positive.

Brenda said...

I am sure her labor was hard. I am sure every labor is pretty hard..hence the name. lol So I hope I don't come across all grouchy or anything....just more of a "let me get this off my mind" kind of post.
I worry that someone from my ward will come on and read my post and get the wrong idea about me. lol

This gal that said this seems like a really nice person. She is new in my ward and I hope to get to know her better.

mandamike said...

Thank you! I love your thoughts of how He knows us and our trials and loves us unconditioanlly. That hit it right on for me.

nancy said...

I love reading your blog. From one barren womb to another. I totally get you and have been through all the crazy insensitive things that come through our lives too. I have come to know the savior better through all this. And I feel that everyone goes through things in this life and it is all to REFINE each of our souls. And it all brings us closer to God. I agree with the comment when she said that maybe her labor was hard. A lot of things are hard but they all refine us to where we individually need to be. Thank you for putting your feelings out there. I relate!

Jessica said...

Hi Brenda!
I really enjoyed this post. I always have a hard time around mother's day. I am fine about not being able to bear children but I have a hard time around mother's day and my kids birthday's. I too feel like I am left out and I still grieve over this around those days. I sometimes feel like I cheated motherhood because I didn't give birth to my children. I appreciate your blog and your comments. Thank you!

All4Family said...

Thank you sweet ladies!!! I am sometimes amazed anyone finds this blog. :) I am so glad you have stopped by! Isn't it funny how we may not know one another but we have this trial/blessing in common that sets us apart from others and yet brings us together! Your comments remind me that I am not alone and that there are people who "get me". :) Thank you!!!!

Jen said...

What a lovely, well though out post! You know my story and the fact that my dh and I went through infertility first, adopted 4 beautiful children and then, we were blessed with two pregnancies. I learned more through the sacrifice of infertility, the heart pain, anxiety, everything, than anything else in my life. Thanks for the beautiful post. Jen

DontYouWishYouWereUS said...

You put it beautifully. It is hard to say that one person's suffering is more difficult than another's. I don't know what labor feels like but I do know that not being able to experience it is painful. Thank you.

Mary (MEM) said...

Interstingly enough, I think I have learned the most about the selfless aspects of the Atonement, especially MERCY, SACRIFICE, and LOVE,from birth mothers who give adoptive couples a gift that they cannot give themselves.

Nishant said...

Maybe she just had a super tough labor and she is trying to turn it into something positive.

Work from home India

Monica Hudson said...

Hi - I stumbled upon this blog in a hearfelt search for encouragement in my own, custom-created trials. I apprecaite your insight and willingness to put yourself out there for the benefit of others who are experiencing similar emotions and trials. I was blessed to have carried a child, but now it seems I can not carry any more...but there's no explanation. No reason. There's nothing "wrong" with me, according to my doctors. I've been treading these waters for 3 years now and, though I know the blessing and love of having carried my son, the emotional upheaval and rejection that I've felt of having that gift "taken away" has been far more challenging and refining than any labor may have been for ME. I don't wish to discredit the journey of others - they're defining moments may come in other trials they may have to endure, but I've grown closer to my Father in Heaven and (as much as my human weakness allows me) understand more about my divine origination and this incredible earthly journey than I ever would have had I not experienced infertility. People don't think sometimes, and having been on both sides, we all (without intention) say things that can be taken as though our journey and struggles are undervalued by another. There is so much to be learned from one another, fertile, infertile, and those who may never get the chance to find out if they are either. We are women, and we are incredible. Thank you for such a great blog...and pardon my exceptionally long comment... ;-)