It seems that even to young children Mommies through adoption are somehow not as valid as Mommies who birth their babies. I came to this understanding recently as I had a conversation with a little 1st grader. This conversation was started out of the blue and it really surprised me.
1st grader: "You don't know how to take care of a baby because you have never had a baby".
Me: "Well I have had three babies to take care of ...I know how to take care of a baby."
1st grader: "But you didn't have them....they were someone elses baby"
Me: "But I still took care of them and they are my babies"
That seemed to settle whatever was going on in her mind that made her bring it up to begin with. Then I realized I hadn't told her the whole story.....I have actuallly taken care of 5 babies. I shared that with her and she said: "Oh yeah...Ashanti and Chevey." It seemed to click for her then.
It is so funny the way kids mold things together. Hopefully our little conversation has helped her understand a little more. I wish I could remember everything we talked about but this is the basic.
Looking back this was a funny conversation...and I think it is hard to expect little ones to understand such deep concepts. I am glad she felt she could talk about it with me. :)
1st grader: "You don't know how to take care of a baby because you have never had a baby".
Me: "Well I have had three babies to take care of ...I know how to take care of a baby."
1st grader: "But you didn't have them....they were someone elses baby"
Me: "But I still took care of them and they are my babies"
That seemed to settle whatever was going on in her mind that made her bring it up to begin with. Then I realized I hadn't told her the whole story.....I have actuallly taken care of 5 babies. I shared that with her and she said: "Oh yeah...Ashanti and Chevey." It seemed to click for her then.
It is so funny the way kids mold things together. Hopefully our little conversation has helped her understand a little more. I wish I could remember everything we talked about but this is the basic.
Looking back this was a funny conversation...and I think it is hard to expect little ones to understand such deep concepts. I am glad she felt she could talk about it with me. :)
4 comments:
I have had those conversations too, even some with my own daughter. It never seems to get easier though.
I found your blog and have really enjoyed reading it! I hope you don’t mind. We were blessed to have three kids and then couldn’t have anymore. We knew we weren’t done so looked into adoption and have been blessed with three more! In a small way I felt your pain. I longed for another child so badly. I don’t want to take away from your longing for “just one”, but we both know that adoption is not an easy thing to do.
Come and visit my blog. On the side is a picture of my three miracles. Click on the picture and you can read their stories.
I love the way you maintain perspective. So many women struggling through infertility (been there, done that, got the debt to prove it LOL!) forget to see the bigger picture. When we're fighting through something so hard our view becomes myopic. I really appreciate that you continue to try and understand everything in a 'normal' context and not just through the painful lens of infertility.
I say this as a person who is now looking back on that time in my life- and enjoying watching the pain disappear in the rear view mirror.
Oh- and I was told by a well-meaning girl in my primary class that "Maybe God just didn't mean for you to have babies". It was logical in her mind but really hard for me to hear even a child dismiss my pain and longing. Had to find that perspective so I could keep from crying on the spot.
It never seems to get easier though.
Work from home India
Post a Comment